Things I would tell my 17 year old self if I could go back in time

Since I can't go back in time and knock some sense to my 17 year old self, I'm going to be writing this for my sister because she's about to start a new chapter in her life :)

To my dear sister, I was supposed to write this yesterday but my laptop crashed, I was going to send it to you while you were having your grad ceremonies.. but my laptop died on me. Anyways, I'm so proud of you! I believe you are so much more mature and smarter than I was when I started college, but a few pointers wouldn't hurt. Please always keep these things in mind once you move here. I'll always be here for you :)

So here it goes..

1. Eat as much as you can - Eat everything you want. Do not go on diets and hold back on food.. once you get a bit older a tiny piece of french fry will make you gain like 10 lbs instantly (i kid you not). When I was in college I could eat everything and not gain a thing even if I don't exercise.. How I wish it's still like that, but it's not. So please no diets.

2. Don't be shy, go after what you want - One of things I wish I had done more was go after things I like doing. There were lots of times when I didn't try thing because I was alone and I didn't have friends and I was too shy. Please be confident, if you make a fool of yourself now, it's only going to be embarrassing now and always remember that if you do try, atleast you get a chance. ;)

3. Do not doubt yourself - Go with your gut feeling. If you feel like you should be doing something else, do it. Trust your instincts and your gut. People will tell you different things but sometimes the only person you really need to listen to is yourself.

4. Make lots of friends - Actually, make lots of friends but find true friends. I think my college bffs are one of the best things that happened to me during college, they have been the people I can go to whenever I'm sad and I know they won't judge me and will always be there for me. I hope you find your set of soul sisters during college too.

5. Guard your heart - I don't know how to explain this. Just remember you're still young and sometimes love is just an illusion. ;) You may think someone is perfect for you but that is just an illusion, that is just what you think love is like, it's not necessarily love. 

Love Someone

I have been obsessed with Jason Mraz' Love Someone from the moment I heard it last night when he posted it on facebook. It was on repeat in my car and it brought me to thinking about what loving is and how love is supposed to feel like.  the song just perfectly describes how I think love should be like, in it's simplest form.. It should be without all the complications, it should be a very happy thing.. It should feel like flying and it should be about being sure that the amount of love you give will return to you.

The song made me double think my relationships, it feels like most of them do not have love in them, everything feels complicated and it feels like it is always an exchange of something. It's like I'm always expecting something in return. I know it shouldn't be about that, it shouldn't be about waiting for someone to give, it should be a selfless thing.. It should be yourself giving and not you expecting someone to give to you.

Maybe I've been feeling like this because I have not given as much love as I think I've been giving, I have been expecting people to give to me instead of me giving to them. I guess I have not been seeing love because I am too focused on people not delivering and not giving me what I think I deserve.

I guess I just wanted to share my thoughts about love.. I guess this is me trying to convice myself to believe that love should be about giving love and knowing that somehow the love you give out will be returned to you in thousand folds.

TBC (i hope).

Bagoong fried rice

I always have left over cold rice. It always ends up wasted and thrown in the trash or fed to my kitties outside.. what a waste! And today I found cold rice sitting on my refrigerator again, usually this gets turned into your normal fried rice but today I wanted to do something different. After scanning a few recipes on the internet I decided to try out bagoong friend rice with unripe mangoes. *I thought I had unripe mangoes but it turns out they've already ripened, but it's okay*. In my recipe I used skinless longanisa, you can use pork belly or liempo. Here's a quick recipe for cold left over rice:

Ingredients:
Left over rice, around 2 cups
Bagoong (Shrimp Paste) 3 tbsp
chopped garlic
2 eggs
Cooked skinless longanisa (sliced into bite size pieces)
Ripe or unripe mango
Chopped scallions *optional*
Salt and pepper

1. Beat eggs and add salt. Scramble eggs and slice into bite size pieces. Set aside.
2. Saute garlic. Mix in rice. Season with salt and pepper.
3. Add the bagoong, mix until it is evenly blended with the rice. Stir fry for a few minutes, like around 3 minutes, then add longanisa and eggs.
4. Once cooked, place in a plate and add the mangoes and scallions.

Chicken Paella

Hi! This morning I woke up insanely early and I chanced upon the movie Julie and Julia on HBO, and it inspired me to cook today :) I went through our little library here at home and found one of my mom's cook book, then just randomly flipped a page and found a recipe for Chicken Paella. It looked easy enough and *most of* the ingredients can be found at our local market. So I went out bought the ingredients and just started cooking. I did change a few stuff from what's in the book but it still turned out really good. So here's the recipe:

Ingredients:
Lower half of the chicken (thigh, leg)
1.5 cup rice or Italian risotto (I just used rice as I couldn't find risotto at the supermarket)
2 pcs sliced onions
4 garlic cloves
4 pieces skinned tomatoes
2 pieces seeded green or red bell peppers diced
Olive oil
1 small cauliflower, broken into florets
Saffron or safflower (kasuba) *i used safflower, can't find saffron either*
1 little chili
1.5 cup water
1 Knorr chicken stock
Salt and pepper

1. Cut the chiken into 4 parts. Chop the the tomatoes.
2. I used a wok pan to cook the chicken in olive oil. Turn until all sides are browned (half cooked)
3. Add onion, garlic, tomatoes, peppers, cauliflower. Season to taste.
4. Scatter the rice or risotto into the pan and add water. Chop the knorr cubes into tiny pieces and add. Stir until water is boiling.
5. Simmer for 30 minutes or until chicken and rice is cooked. You can add more water if it dries up before the rice is cooked.

Advise to self

It feels like a favorite worn out shoe that hurts your feet whenever you wear it. But you just can't get rid of it because you love it so much and it has sentimental value.

Maybe you should just stop wearing it and try something new.

Charlie's box

In an attempt to make my little feline friend the happiest little creature in the world, I keep on buying him expensive toys, scratching posts, little toy mice, feathered chasey things, but rarely plays with them, and most of the time he doesn't know what to do to them. Then a few days ago, I found myself in possession of a box, I didn't know what to do with it but I know Charlie loves boxes so I decided to cut a little hole on it and let Charlie play with it. And whadya know! He absolutely loves it. He uses it as a scratching post, he hides in there and sleeps in there, he just loves it. Looks like my little friend has taught me another important life lesson: you don't need real expensive things to make you happy, sometimes even the simplest things, like a box is really all that you need. :)

Just clearing out my head before I go to bed.

I can't make decisions, I can't finish anything I start. I don't know whats happening to me. I feel like my drive to do anything has gone. I feel like I've just gotten to the point where I don't want to do anything even if I am unhappy. I don't know if I am scared of change or if I just can't do it. I need to find myself again, I need to find something to live for. I feel like I'm a zombie, just living life just as it is, I don't have to energy to change anything, I want to but something is missing.

There's so many thing I want to do and so many things I want to be, I just don't know how and where to start. It scares me that I might not be able to do everything I want. It scares me to think that I might just run out of time, and I would wake up in the morning and it's too late.

I need a hug. I need someone to tell me that it's going to be okay and I will be able to do everything I want and more.I want to know that my life will get better and I will be happy. I need to sleep...

New lipsticks :)

I have been in search for the perfect lipstick for almost a month now, raiding make up shops and sm just find the perfect shade that I can use everyday. After looking at tons and tons of lipsticks I was able to find 2 that I absolutely love, Benefit's Tuttie Cuttie and Maybelline's So Nude NU35S.

I fell inlove with Benefit's Tuttie Cuttie because of it's very natural look, it just looks like you have naturally red lips. It's glossy-ness is just perfect for looking natural. I also love how it doesn't dry your lips even if you over apply it. The only thing I don't like about it is that it doesn't last too long, you'll have to reapply several times throughout the day and it is also a bit expensive (Php1000) I will post a photo of how it looks on me soon *to follow* I just can't find one right now.

Next we have Maybelline So Nude NU35S, the shade of this lipstick is just amazing whenever I wear it I feel like it just matches my skin tone perfectly, I'll post a pic and leave it to you to decide ;) This lipstick is long lasting (which is great, I don't have to reapply too much), once it's on your lips it's difficult to remove! Also it is very cheap, only Php399!The only con that I found with it is that it dries your lips, but this can be solved by putting lip balm before putting lipstick on.

I am now in a search for the perfect red lipstick! I will blog about it once I find it :)

I should really stop quoting Slyvia Plath..

“I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life. And I am horribly limited.” 
― Sylvia Plath